Scott Morrison has made a $40 million deal to send aslyum seekers to Cambodia, a country known for it’s poverty, corruption, and poor human rights records, that is led by an accused war criminal who hasn’t signed the UN 1951 refugee convention (that Australia has) which points out that this deal is illegal).
"Aaaaah" Scott Morrison breathed in heavily. "Man, all these human rights abuses are better than the cocaine I used to do in the 50s."
"Wait, but aren’t you only 46?" asked a journalist.
"No questions! I have nothing to report!" he yelled back before chinking champagne glasses with Interior Minister Sar Kheng in a toast and cackling maniacally.
maraudere said: For that anon: to simplify it heaps, we turned to the US in WW2 when we realized we couldn't rely on the UK to defend us 24/7. US agreed to help us bc our position could be used effectively as a naval base. Since then we've been sending troops to help US in their (MANY) overseas conflicts in exchange for them having our backs.
Anonymous said: Not an Abbott related question. Do you have any idea why Australia seems to kiss America's ass? We seem to follow them around like a stray dog, but not so much England. Which I find odd, since Australia is part of the Commonwealth and America not. I may be wrong here. Just the feeling I get, and wanted your opinion. Love the blog, by the way!
I don’t know. Maybe because following them into involvement with foreign conflicts distracts the public from tangible problems they can see themselves. Approval ratings for Abbott have gone up for his stern resolve to do something about terrorists. Approval ratings went up after the plane was shot down in Ukraine. Putting focus on overseas conflict makes him look proactive while also distracting from closer issues. There’s probably more to it than that, naturally but I wouldn’t be an expert on it.
bootyregrit said: if the economy is so fucking bad, perhaps the bastard should hold off on throwing any wars?
Oh snap. Nah we can’t do that… we’re too busy being like our big brother ‘MERICA! And we need to follow them around.
Tony Abbott has refused to mention climate change in a list of challenges facing the world despite this being an important part of the UN Summit he was attending. He was adamantly opposed to mentioning it except in the context that it should be sorted out later in the same way a procrastinating student thinks that the solution to having a lot of homework is to ignore it until the night before it’s due. He cited the economy as a reason why not to deal with it now, even though dealing with it now will help economic growth.
Tony “Fawlty” Abbott walked around with a silly walk repeatedly whispering “don’t mention the climate change” to his staff.
In the wake of the recent terror scare the Senate has passed a law that allows ASIO to monitor the entire internet, access limitless computers to monitor targets, and allow ASIO to send bloggers or journalists for jail for 10 years for revealing information to do with “special” operations. They can define “special” however they wish leaving them with ridiculously high amounts of control as well as immunity from criminal and civil liability in some circumstances.
George “what’s a website?” Brandis was very pleased with this and told Journalists they shouldn’t be worried. “The bill isn’t targeting you specifically… just everyone who we consider a threat. Nothing could possibly go wrong.”
Late, Tony Abbott gave Brandis a high five.
"Oh man! 1984 is my favourite book!" Tony said. "This is gonna be really cool!"
"You can read?" replied Brandis, shocked at the revelation.
Anonymous said: realistic dystopian novel idea: bees have seemingly gone extinct and the great food shortage of 2016 has begun. people are starving and have given up hope. where have all the bees gone? who will pollinate our crops? meanwhile Tony Abbott sits in his office annoyed at the complaining Australian public. "what can we do?" asks the minister for agriculture. Tony Abbott smirks evily, "release the bees" he says. bees come swarming out. he has done it. Tony Abott saved the world.
His approval ratings sore through the roof. His political career is safe… but he can’t pull the same stunt twice. People start remembering he’s a sexism homophobic dick… and that’s when the bees turn menacing. They have been brainwashed to enforce Tony’s rule.
No one is safe from the bees. People try to resist… they try to flee but…
bootyregrit said: they don’t make shop mannequins in palmer’s size.
Well what else is he meant to practice on? A goon bag with rocks in it? Because goon bags are for the lower class and Tony isn’t going to be associated with them.
Julia Gillard has said that Tony Abbott is Clive Palmer’s “slave.” Tony Abbott hasn’t responded to these remarks because he’s too busy giving Palmer a foot massage so he’ll be more inclined to let Tony pass legislation every now and then. Palmer thinks the foot rubs have improved. He’s been practising on a shop mannequin to get better.